You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
