Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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