I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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