i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
