During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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