I can text with my tongue
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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