While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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