i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
