I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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