Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
