grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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