Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
