I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
