Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
