That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
