i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
