Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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