U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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