i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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