She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Pants are for mortals
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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