Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
