It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
