you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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