I looked at my own cervix.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
