Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I will be naked everywhere
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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