It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
