I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
