I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
