he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I want a musical about memes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
