I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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