are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
