ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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