Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize