ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
