Can Purell be used as lube?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
