Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How naked do you want me to be?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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