oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
