I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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