i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
