Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Duck Duck Cougar?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
