So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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