I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
