ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
