Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it because I queefed?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
