The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
