We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
