I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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