RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
