I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
