Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
