I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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