Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
