this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
