omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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