I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
