sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
