Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
