im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
