If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
