Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
