its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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