I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
