i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hippo gnu deer
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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