can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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