Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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