my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
