I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
