So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
