I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
