I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
