you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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