i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
