So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
