p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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