trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
