I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
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Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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