I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
