hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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