I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
