you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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