I look better un-naked...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
