This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
