i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
