You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They took my balls.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
